The Present, Revisited

Life has been different the past few weeks. Every moment seems a little more intense. The way the sun casts gold on the crowd of hipsters at Dolores Park. The view from our office of the city dancing with the fog. The way fresh produce tastes.

I can't help but think I'm living in the moment a little more, that this intensity is from knowing every moment is fleeting. Soon I'll be away from all of this and so I wrap my surroundings up around me like a blanket.

This is the last time I'll do this for awhile.
This is something I'm going to miss.

Clearing Out My Desk

I sent out the blast email to coworkers yesterday, letting them know my plans. Most had already heard through the water cooler rumor mill. I was amazed by how quickly word spread across such a large organization. (Even the CEO approached me before I had sent out the email.) I was even more amazed by the response I got when I let people know I was leaving. There were a lot of kind emails and warm wishes. It's going to be hard leaving such a great group of people.

It's easy to think of my time in the Peace Corps as a period where I enter a new community and hopefully, the community takes me in. Over the next two years I'll become a part of this community, learning from others, and making strong connections with the people I live and work with. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized that was a lot of what I was leaving behind. Maybe it's the indoor tropical plants scattered around the office, but it's hard to not draw simularities.

I know Panama will be completely different. A leg of the trip to the community where I'll be working could involve riding in a dug out canoe, a far cry from my normal commute. There won't be Pete's coffee. There won't be lunch options. That being said, it gives me some comfort to think that I was already a part of community. The next chapter just has a different cultural context.

Unraveling Before Unwinding

I don't want to set the cadence for blog posts considering I probably won't have electricity in a few months, but I thought it would be good to capture the fact that I am stressed. I'll look back on it two years from now and think, "Awww, precious. Old Austin, your unraveling is soooo cute."

I feel like I don't have room for living my life and preparing to leave. I'm going backpacking this weekend to do some soul searching and get back to nature. Normally, this is an amazing idea. Today, I'm ready to vomit. The idea of spending the weekend doing something completely unrelated to reading up on Panama or packing up my belongings is a hard sell. That being said, I know that looking out over pine and granite will help refocus my remaining weeks in the States.

I found out today that I'm having my orientation in Washington D.C. In Peace Corps speak, this is my Staging Event. As far as I could tell, my staging event was to be a two-day affair and would serve as an "orientation" before heading to Panama. You may have a fixation with punctuation and thus noted the quotation marks around "orientation". I received the itinerary today. I'll recap the highlights:

Day 1

1:30pm Register

3:00pm Orientation

Day 2

8:00am Head to Airport

12:55pm Fly to Panama

I absolutely love it! Welcome to the Peace Corps. Here's your gate number. I'm going to D.C. and less than 24 hours later I'm headed to Panama. This is officially going to be amazing.

So it begins...

It's official. I've been accepted for a position in the Peace Corps. In five weeks, my life will be completely turned upside down leaving me to reassemble my world view. I'll be stationed in Panama for the next 27 months assisting a rural community in environmental health. Responsibilities will include community assessment, outreach in disease prevention, and construction and/or maintenance of water and waste management systems.

As I type, I'm processing a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement is dulled by nervousness, anticipation by anxiety. The result is my inner voice being swapped out for white noise.

I started a list of everything I need to do. All my worldly possessions have been transformed into a list of actions. My financial security has turned into my financial headache. My possessions have become inconveniences. I'm starting to see the two worlds colliding and I haven't even packed my bags.