I had this thought in the shower yesterday. Back in the States I would take Navy showers or really short showers. Part of it was general environmentalism, but part of it was this guilt. I had hot showers everyday, sometimes more than once. That's a luxury few people have in the world.
Now, when I take a hot shower, I take my time a little bit more. It's 10 minutes of glorious, guilt-free hot water. Every time I leave site, it's the same feeling of ecstasy. I don't worry about the water. I don't worry about the energy to heat the water. I just spent a month living off the grid. I bathe in a river or take showers with a bucket of cold water. I pack out a month's worth of trash in a small grocery bag.
What was once a feeling of guilt has almost become a feeling of entitlement. Then I start thinking about everyone still in site because they live there and they will continue to live there long after I move back to the land of IKEA's and Starbucks.
I have these thoughts about environmentalism, development work, poverty, cultural context, and fulfillment in one's life swimming in my mind. I hope to somehow consolidate these thoughts in the coming months and stitch together my new understanding of the world and myself.
It's been a wild ride stepping out of the box. I felt leaving for the Peace Corps was like taking a big leap, one where you don't know where you'll land. And it's true. Now that I'm in free fall, I have the freedom to define my conceptual framework for what this thing called life is all about. I've always struggled with guilt for all that I have, but choosing to simply live without isn't necessary the answer either. What I'm beginning to realize is that fulfillment can be realized anywhere. Sure there's the romanticism of the developing world. I'm building aqueducts while living in a thatched roof hut for god sake. That's a story for a cocktail party or two. But that's not to say that the only work worth doing is with the most impoverished people of the world. Helping your friend take his kids to soccer practice or teaching someone something new can be just as empowering. I think fulfillment comes from helping and teaching when possible. And whether that's in the jungle or on aisle 7 of the supermarket, isn't that important. We were all born into different circumstances, different walks of life. The people here are happy.
I feel like this post has turned into the said free fall. I need a few more sessions in the shower or in the hammock to fully flesh this all out. For now, you get to navigate through the meandering prose of my mental landscape. Buen provecho.
