I've wanted to write another blog about guilt for a long time, but it's been one of the harder posts to write. I've been mulling over how our culture tends to elevate the idea of sacrifice and charity and enforces those ideals with a heavy dose of guilt. The truth is it's hard to write about our cultural traits without sounding patronizing. I wish I could say I succeeded in this post.
My trip to the US over the holidays involved a lot of conversations with friends, family, coworkers, and a few strangers about my chapter in Panama. While topics ranged from diet to Ngabes to my current projects, I could tell that some people felt guilty that here I was, out "saving the world," while they were still in the States.
While it's true that I've sacrificed a few things, I don't think I've necessarily been sacrificing much for others. I joined the Peace Corps to have my adventure and helping others was just a part of the decision to join. (Remember, I passed up the local soup kitchen to live in a hut in the jungle.) And while I felt a certain smug satisfaction of having a lower carbon footprint than the hippies at Rainbow Grocery, most of what I felt when I was home was how amazing everyone else's lives were.
I'm blessed to be surrounded by remarkably dedicated and interesting people. Everyone is immersed in cool projects. My trip was a good reminder of how good I had it. My only regret was that I didn't have time to hear more about what everyone was doing in their lives. I felt there was a tendency to downplay what others were doing because jungle boy was in the room. The truth is, everyone back home is doing much more than they realize. Incidentally, I'm doing much less than they realize.
So why are we consumed by guilt? We flog ourselves instead of appreciating what we have. We live our lives feeling guilty for not living at the lowest common denominator. We continually benchmark ourselves against those that seem to be sacrificing more.
Like many previous posts, again I don't have an answer. Yes, there are poor people in the world. And yes, we should acknowledge and do something about it. And while it's good that feeling guilt is a symptom of acknowledging the discrepancies of the world, it also doesn't do much for addressing those discrepancies. Somewhere in there is also a balance, a recognition that the idea of unadulterated happiness is important too.
